New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft's sex scandal and "Empire" star Jussie Smollett's alleged staging of a hate crime took center stage on the Mar. 2 episode of "Saturday Night Live," in a "legal edition" of ABC reality series "Shark Tank."
Beck Bennett played the businessman who was accused of soliciting prostitutes earlier this week, receiving laughs when he walked out, while Chris Redd played the actor and musician, which elicited audible surprise and concern from the audience when they realized the show would be taking on the headline-grabbing story about Smollett being attacked in Chicago in what appeared to be a hate crime but is now being investigated as a set up.
Both men appeared in front of the panel of sharks for help. This panel consisted of Pete Davidson as Michael Avenatti, Cecily Strong as Jeanine Pirro, Kate McKinnon as "the man, the myth, the leper" Rudy Giuliani, and episode host John Mulaney as the "scourge of Martha's Vineyard," Alan Dershowitz.
"After I started defending Trump, no one invited me to parties anymore," Mulaney as Dershowitz said. "I wish I could go back to defending good people, like O.J."
Alex Moffatt and Kyle Mooney also appeared as "jingle based attorneys" Cellino and Barnes.
"Sharks, I am currently in some hot water over an accusation I went to a day spa in Florida and got what turned out to be a not-so happy ending," Bennett as Kraft said. I'm also the only person to ever take a private jet straight to a $59 hand job. I am seeking an attorney who will make sure no one sees the video of my 77-year-old pigskin getting tossed around."
While Davidson as Avenatti made "beat it" jokes, Strong as Pirro commented on the "real criminal" being the "immigrant woman that stole that job from a soft, white, American hand." Meanwhile, McKinnon as Giuliani made a plea to be selected as the counsel, saying he would "happily go on TV, contradict everything you've ever said and then add some additional damaging information free of charge."
When it came time for Redd as Smollett to address the panel, he said, "Hey everyone you won't believe this, but I was just attacked outside the studio by Donald Trump himself."
When he was asked if it was true, he asked if there were cameras outside, and upon hearing that there were, he rescinded his statement. When asked why he was here, he said, "I broke humanity? But if you take my case, I am offering spoilers for the next season of 'Empire.' I die."
Strong as Pirro said she "wrote Fox News fan fiction" about "a gay, black man lying about being attacked" -- but she admitted she never thought it would come true. She recused herself because she was "just too turned on."
Mulaney as Dershowitz told Redd as Smollett that he had everything he wanted in a client; he was "famous and probably guilty." On the other hand, though, the Cellino and Barnes jingle was reworded to say even they "won't touch this."